a true fact about spiders is they can’t run for extended periods of time because they have asthma. all spiders are nerds. even tarantulas. have you ever seen a spider dating a hot babe? i doubt it. spider flashing his cash in the club? nope. spider pulling up beside you at the lights in a lamborghini? never happened. they’ve got so many eyes because they love reading. nerds. all of them.
“I see people getting married to people they’ve known for, like, a year and a half. A year and a half? Is that really enough time to get to know someone to know you want to spend the REST of your life with them? I mean, I’ve had sweaters for a year and a half and I was like, “What the fuck was I doing with this sweater?”—Aziz Ansari (via smokingcraic)
Hey fellas. You’re probably wondering, “what’s something sexy and fun I can do for that special someone in my life?” Well wonder no longer. Here is what you do. Sit them down in front of you. Put on a good slow jam. Slowly and steadily unbutton your shirt. Take it off, and, holding it in one hand, spin it around with a flourish. Keep spinning it. Do not stop spinning it. Spin it until it wraps tightly around your hand and starts to look like a Mega Buster. Forget why you were doing this and run around your house pretending you are Mega Man. You are Mega Man